Frustration

Beware...this is a venting post...read at your own risk, and know that you have been warned.

I'm frustrated.

Today was the boys' second day in a traditional public school, one that is supposed to be of the top few in our district, and I have, thus far, been completely and utterly disappointed with the quality (or lack thereof) of instruction. I'm trying really hard to give the teachers time, and the benefit of the doubt, but as we all know, I am not the most patient person...and what I've seen so far has just driven me nuts.

This afternoon, Cristian came home with a calendar worksheet that required him to "Write your name in box _" and "Put Martin Luther King Jr's birthday on date _." And, on the back, he had a dinosaur to color. SERIOUSLY?! WTH?! This kid is in 4th grade, and you want him to color a dinosaur during instructional time (yes, this is what they worked on in class today)? Come on! We are no longer in 1st grade, and I'm pretty sure that calendar skills are not a part of the California State Standards. I guess you could consider filling in the blanks on the designated boxes could be considered following multi-step instructions...but last time I checked, a calendar was not considered a technical manual. Am I wrong?

Kieran, who had a fabulous day with his friends, could not tell me about one thing he did in class today. It was quite possibly because he was so incredibly bored that he honestly didn't remember. Yesterday, I was in there for an hour, and watched the "high" Language Arts group instruction. My poor child was yawning constantly through 45 minutes of test prep questions. They only got through eight questions, not because the kids didn't know the material, but because the teacher was requiring them to write ridiculous information from these questions in the journals. What?! Are you kidding me?! These kids are dying for more challenging and creative instruction, and yet they all sat there, doing as they were asked, because that's how they've been trained...to be little robots that simply repeat and don't think in any kind of depth. Honestly...give them whiteboards, check for understanding, and MOVE ON ALREADY!

I am feeling very frustrated, not just with the teachers, but with myself. I know that I gave up on home-schooling too early. I got overwhelmed, and didn't take the time to reflect on the reasons why we kept the boys home in the first place. I needed to take a step back, re-prioritize, revamp, and jump back into it after the two week break, and yet I was so anxious for a solution before the break that I let it all go. It breaks my heart to send them to a traditional public school when I know that the instruction is not of the quality or depth that I want for them. BUT, by the same token, I LOVE seeing their smiling and excited faces when I pick them up in the afternoon. I LOVE that they tell me the LOVE school, and can't wait to go back. I LOVE that they are making friends, and feeling like they belong.

Where is the balance? How do I figure out how to get them the best of both worlds, without turning their worlds upside down yet again? They have gone through so much change and upheavel over the last year and a half, and they deserve some kind of stability in their young lives. Do I sacrifice their academic potential and talent for six hours of boredom and lots of friends? Do I sacrifice their social lives for an education that would far surpass what they will receive in a traditional public school?

I have given it up to God, and have asked for his help with patience, understanding, integrity, and humbleness. I know that He will make the final decision, and will lead me in the right direction. In the meantime, I am frustrated. And, I'm not afraid to admit it.